i just made my gag reflex go away.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
