just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
