My nipple is on Facebook.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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