I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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