Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
