In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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