She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
