Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
