I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
