i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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