I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
