i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
