I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So vagazzling was a success
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
