I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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