Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
