dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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