I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
