my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
