Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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