I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
