Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
