Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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