Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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