Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
