i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
