so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
