I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
