1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
