I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
