3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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