dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
