I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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