So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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