we should wear snuggies to the strip club
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
