I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
