so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
