Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
