she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
