hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
