the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just had sex on a roof
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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