so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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