i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
