I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
