Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
