just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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