ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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