just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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