There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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