i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
