i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
