Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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