Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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