Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am one with the molecules
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
