i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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