@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
