just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
