I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
