Your face is a jimmy john
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
