Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
