A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
