Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
