Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
