Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I want to be your penis for a week.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
