Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
