Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
