Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
