She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
