I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
