You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
